Thursday, June 23, 2005

Busted !

Frank: Oh and one more thing to add to your interview. I want a full investigation into Gia's sudden increase in homerun power. This is more outrageous than the Michael Jackson verdict.

I agree. And so do many players and fans of the WFA. Gia's offensive output in week four just didn't add up. Actually, it added up too much. He had one homerun after 6 games. Then he had four in one day?! What could explain the sudden explosion of wiffle-power? I took Frank's advice and launched a thorough and fair investigation. Here are my findings:

  • June 16th, 2005 - Gia injures dislocates shoulder while farting.
  • June 12th, 2005 - Gia hits record 4 dongers.
  • May 2nd, 2005 - Staib borrows Gia's hat and returns it...without stretching it.
  • November 27th, 1989 - Gia asks me if I have any "juice" in Mrs. Schwartz's class. I should have seen the signs then.

The proof is in the pudding. The pudding is the stuff I wrote above. Strange injuries, outrageous strength, and an enormous head. And then there is this picture I took during one of his recent rages:

Feel my rage you stupid fucking guitar. Posted by Hello

We all know what this means. Gia is on steroids. STEROIDS.

As for a punishment, the Wiffleball for Alcohol league has banned Gia from hitting any more homeruns this year. I hope this embarrassment will not besmirch the highly-held reputation of the league or its players. Thank you.


Blogger irving longface said...

i will take steroids too if it means i can play guitar with my teeth like gia.

23/6/05 11:07 AM

Anonymous Neil said...

The reason for Gia's Wiffle ball strength is not steriods, its because he and the whole team recently converted to scientology. As the offical scientology website tells us, "when you have the answers to life's questions — there is virtually no part of existence it cannot be applied to for the betterment of life itself. What people need are real solutions, real tools to deal with and effectively overcome human problems." Human problems like not being able to hit homeruns. Its fucking simple,

23/6/05 2:51 PM

Anonymous tom cruise said...

I fully endorse G's Unit! This is just further proof that Scientology really, really works! AND I LOVE KATIE HOLMES!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH

23/6/05 3:49 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why is Tom Cruise endorsing Gia's "unit"?

24/6/05 1:37 PM

Anonymous g unit said...

no comment

25/6/05 10:44 AM


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